you guys were way drunker than both of me
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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