Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
