took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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