no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
