I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
