Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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