i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
