I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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