he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
