where am i from again
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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