I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
