garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
