She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
