her vagine was all disorganized.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
