Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
