it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Randomize
