i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
