Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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