I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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