i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
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