i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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