So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
