1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
