so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
