i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
