Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
