Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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