I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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