You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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