I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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