Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
