I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
