I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You smell like stripper and shame
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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