You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We're too hungover to prance.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My life is pants optional.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
