did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
