you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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