Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
