My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dear god my vagina.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
