I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
