Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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