I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
