I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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