You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
