I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
