Your tits are I can't wait for
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
