I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
