Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
im on a boat
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