omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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