good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
