it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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