do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
